A question Boomettes, why doesn’t the Port Vale Club Shop stock jars of aniseed balls, they are after all Boomer’s favourite treat.
Your mascot was pondering this question one day last week as he stood inside the Club Shop, wondering what goodies he might spend his pocket-money on. By a happy coincidence Ally S was in the shop at the same time and came over to say hello to Boomer. Ally expressed concern that your mascot was looking tired and strained and asked if everything was alright. Well Boomettes, who wouldn’t be feeling stressed out if they were on the wrong end of an eviction notice from Uncle Norman?!
Ally gave Boomer a hug and said although she couldn’t stop the eviction notice she did have a suggestion that might make Boomer feel better. She suggested that your mascot went to somewhere called a Health Spa and had something called a massage. Your Boomer didn’t know about these things but he likes to keep an open mind and of course he trusts his friend Ally S. I left Ally to make the arrangements.
And so it was Boomettes that a few days later I found myself strolling along Hanley’s Cultural Quarter on my way to my first ever spa experience. Thanks to Ally’s excellent directions I found the building straight-away, and although a little nervous I took a deep breath and walked in.
I was greeted by a very smiley person who introduced herself as Beryl the Beautician. She asked me to follow her upstairs and into one of the treatment rooms where my massage would take place. Closing the door behind us Beryl told me to try to relax and reassured me that there was nothing to be worried about. And then Boomettes, do you know what she did? She asked me to take my clothes off!! All of them!! Well Boomettes, your Boomer’s not that kind of mascot, and in any case, what kind of establishment is this?!
Beryl tried to reassure Boomer that the request was quite legitimate, but your mascot was not convinced. In the end, as a compromise, Boomer took off his top, but left his shorts, and his boots, on.
Boomer lay face down on a soft bench. Beryl explained that she would start by using a special comb on Boomer’s back to remove any dead skin cells and to unknot Boomer’s tangled fur. After doing this she squirted an oily substance onto her hands and rubbed it into your mascot’s fur. Beryl explained that this substance would nourish Boomer’s fur making it thick and shiny. Your mascot approves as he likes to look his best while he’s cheering on the lads who play in black and gold and white.
Then Boomettes, Beryl placed the pads of her thumbs near to Boomer’s shoulder blades and pressed down. Very Hard! Boomer yelped at the sudden, unexpected pain. Beryl explained the reason for the pain was because Boomer’s muscles were as hard as Tom Pope, whereas they should be soft and squishy, just like Uncle Norman’s tummy.
Beryl asked Boomer to try and relax, easier said than done Boomettes! Beryl continued to press down hard onto Boomer’s shoulders and upper back with her very strong thumbs and fingers and Boomer couldn’t help but whimper from time to time. But do you know what Boomettes? After a while the pain subsided and Boomer could feel his muscles soften and relax.
When Beryl had finished she turned the lights down to a very low level and left Boomer alone in the room for a few minutes. Your mascot felt like he was floating Boomettes, he was experiencing feelings of calmness and serenity.
Then it was time to leave and Boomer said goodbye to Beryl and thanked her for her attentions. Beryl replied that she was impressed with Boomer’s good behaviour and that should he ever become stressed again she’d be delighted to help. She even said, “Up the Vale!”. What a nice lady!
As Boomer began his walk back to Vale Park he felt he was walking an inch or two taller. And do you know what Boomettes? For the last hour he hadn’t had a single thought about his eviction situation. He had just relaxed and allowed all his concerns and worries to float gently away.
Stay loyal (and relaxed) Boomettes.