Bad news for Boomer

Boomer suffers his very own housing crisis courtesy of Uncle Norman


Boomettes, your Mascot likes to keep his finger on the pulse, and as a result your Boomer is saddened to learn that in many parts of the country there is currently a housing crisis going on. But Boomettes, your Boomer has a housing crisis of his own. He’s been evicted. By Uncle Norman. What a Meanie!!

This is what happened. I’d been living for many years at the bottom of a stair-well in the Lorne-Street Stand. As you’d expect Boomettes I’d been very well behaved and had been no trouble at all. But as soon as Uncle Norman found out he decreed that this arrangement had to come to an end. He said it was all to do with Health and Safety and Fire Regulations, and your mascot can’t be critical of Uncle Norman being Mr Responsible and doing the right thing.

Initially Boomettes, your mascot was very glum, wondering what on earth was the future to be. But after a few days your Boomer decided that this was just the incentive he needed to finally take his first steps on the property ladder.

Boomettes, your mascot is going house-hunting. In my next Bulletin I’ll let you all know how I’ve gone on. Until then Boomettes, stay loyal,


Bones sorted!

Boomer’s bones have finally found a home.

Boomettes, you find your mascot in a relieved state of mind. At last, the riddle of where to store bones has been solved, and from now on Boomer can sleep soundly at night knowing that his bones are both secure and accessible.

Boomettes, there are many lovely people working at Vale Park, but one of the loveliest is a lady who goes by the name of Ally Sim-card (she’s well connected Boomettes!!).

One day Boomer was mooching about, pacing aimlessly back and forth in the Lorne Street Stand, looking a little lost and forlorn. Ally, who was taking  a well-earned coffee-break, approached Boomer, asking what the matter was. Boomer explained to Ally that he needed somewhere to store his bones, somewhere secure but accessible. Your mascot explained to Ally that he was a dog, and as such it was his instinct to bury precious items in safe places, but that every time he tried to bury his bones his plans came unstuck. Nobody seemed to understand the importance of bone-burying, certainly not Steve the Grumpy Groundsman. Boomer had been getting a lot of grief for just following his doggy instincts.

Ally listened, and what’s more Boomettes, she understood. She took Boomer’s paw in her hand and gave it a gentle, supportive squeeze. It meant a lot to Boomer that someone was listening, that someone understood his plight.

Ally then did something wonderful. She informed Boomer that there are places specifically set up to allow people (and mascots) to put things into storage, for the short or long term. Ally explained that Boomer could rent a storage unit on a month-by-month basis, and that he could deposit and retrieve his bones whenever he liked. Boomer’s bones would be accessible and secure!

This sounded so excellent Boomettes. And even better, there was such a storage facility within a mile of Vale Park.

Ally made a phone call and your Boomer set off in search of this storage location, his bones neatly packed into a couple of large suitcases and a rucksack. When your mascot arrived at the storage depot he found it was exactly as Ally had said it would be. Boomer offered his Port Vale Season Ticket as proof of ID and provided a paw-print as a pass-code to his locker. He was shown to his locker and wasted no time in placing his bones inside it. Closing the locker door your mascot felt a weight fall from his shoulders. His bones were safe, his worries were gone, and he could focus all his energies on cheering on the lads who play in black and gold and white. And if he ever needed emergency nutrition, he knew just where to find it.

Boomer walked back from the storage facility towards Vale Park with a spring in his step and joy in his heart. He had been confronted by a challenge and he had overcome it, and he was sure that whatever challenges the mighty Vale would face in the season ahead, that the Valiants too would rise to the occasion and find successful solutions.

Securing his bones felt like securing three points. Boomer felt joyous, elated, victorious.

Stay loyal Boomettes.

Boomer goes walk-about

Boomer ventures into territory beyond Vale Park in search of a safe place to hide his bones.

Boomettes, you find your mascot in a very fed-up state. My bone saga drags on, after yet another set-back.

I had decided that it was best to bury my bones away from Vale Park. Now, your mascot doesn’t spend too much time beyond the boundaries of Vale Park but when he does he can’t help noticing that there are many people digging many holes in many roads.

And so your mascot devised a devious plan. He would disguise himself as a road-digger-upper, infiltrate a road-digging-upper gang, and when no-one was looking he’d deposit his bones into the hole in the road. Your Boomer thinks this is a great plan. He gets a safe place to hide his bones, yet someone else digs the hole and someone else fills it in.

And so it was Boomettes that a few days ago your mascot left Vale Park disguised as a road-digger-upper. Wearing his safety boots, hi-viz and hard-hat your Boomer looked very industrious indeed and it didn’t take him too long to find an active hole in the road. Keeping a discreet distance your Boomer observed the comings and goings of the two workmen. Your Boomer was very patient and after a while they both walked away from their hole, probably to get some snapping and a brew.

Your Boomer spied his chance. He nimbly made his way to the hole in the road, and was just about to deposit his bones into it, when, “Excuse me?” came a voice from behind. Your Boomer spun round to see the third member of the digger-upper team standing immediately behind him. He wasn’t angry Boomettes, just a little puzzled, baffled as to what Boomer was doing.

Well I’d been caught red-pawed so I though it best to confess all. I explained to Darren the road-digger-upper that I was merely trying to find a safe place to bury my bones. Unlike Steve the Grumpy Groundsman he was very sympathetic, he understood Boomer’s need to have a safe bone storage location, but he was insistent that it couldn’t be in a hole in the road.

He made a very good point Boomettes. He pointed out that if your Boomer dropped his bones into a road-digger-uppers hole, how would your mascot be able to retrieve them. They would be trapped beneath tonnes of rubble and tarmac. Your Boomer hadn’t thought of that Boomettes. Your Boomer’s bones would have been safe but unobtainable. Boomer would have been locked into eternal torment.

Your mascot’s bone situation is becoming desperate Boomettes, and with the new season fast approaching a solution needs to be quickly found. I am determined that by my next bulletin the situation will have been resolved once and for all.

Stay loyal Boomettes.