Boomer’s Dawn Raid

Boomer’s back – a second attempt to bury his bones


Boomettes, you will recall from my previous bulletin how I was thwarted in my attempt to bury my bones beneath the centre-circle of Vale Park.

Now your mascot admits to getting very emotional when cheering on the lads who play in black and gold and white. But your mascot also prides himself on having a keen brain and being able to take a scientific look at life when circumstances require.

So Boomettes I logically analysed where my previous bone-burying escapade had come unstuck and arrived at the following conclusions:

One, Under the pitch at Vale Park is definitely the right place;

Two, It takes too long to reach the centre-circle, giving unfriendly forces too great an opportunity to scupper bone-burying plans;

Three, It takes too long to dig a hole by hand.

And thus Boomettes your mascot arrived at his revised plan. He would hire a ride-on mechanical digger to get the hole dug more quickly, and he would bury his bones beneath a corner-flag rather than the centre-circle, so as to reduce walking time and give himself a better chance of not being noticed.

And so a week after his first bone-burying attempt your Boomer slipped sneakily and stealthily into Vale Park on his hired mechanical digger device. It was seven o’clock in the morning – that’s very early isn’t it Boomettes – and Your Boomer has to admit he wasn’t exactly wide awake. If he had been, he’d have noticed Steve the Grumpy Groundsman mowing the far end of the pitch on his ride-on lawn mower.

Your Boomer positioned himself by the corner flag ready to begin to dig the hole that would hold his bone-stash. There were lots of levers on the digger and Your mascot got a little confused over which ones to push and which ones to pull. Boomer was so engrossed he hadn’t noticed Grumpy Steve hurtling towards him on his ride-on mower.

“YOU AGAIN” boomed Steve’s very grumpy voice. Your Boomer looked up to see the Grumpy Groundsman approaching at pace, on a course set for collision, holding a sharp looking fork above his head. He looked like he was hunting Moby Dick Boomettes!!

Just as impact seemed inevitable Uncle Norman appeared as if from nowhere on his blinged-up mobility scooter, forcing Grumpy Steve to swerve away from your mascot. Boomettes I headed for the exit as fast as my digger would carry me, with Grumpy Steve in pursuit of me, and Uncle Norman in pursuit of him. It was just like a car chase scene from one of the Bourne films!

I escaped unscathed Boomettes, but only just. One thing’s for sure, no more bone-burying attempts at Vale Park. Certainly not while Grumpy Steve’s about.

With much love, Boomer.

Boomer’s Bones

Boomer has bones to bury, and he thinks he knows just the place…

Well Boomettes, another season of football is fast approaching at Vale Park and your mascot is very excited at the prospect. He doesn’t know how things will turn out on the pitch, but what he does know is that the Vale fans will be there in the stadium, cheering on the lads who play in black and gold and white.

Now Boomettes, you may all think that being the Vale mascot is an easy existence, a stress-free way of life. But let me tell you, your Boomer has many responsibilities resting heavily on his shoulders. You see Boomettes, a mascot cannot give his all to support his club without being properly fed and watered. So your Boomer needs to keep his bone stash close to him at all times, just in case he ever has a need for emergency nutrition.

And so it was Boomettes that on one mid-June day your mascot decided to re-locate his bone stash to a secure location, somewhere where his bones could lie buried, safe and un-pinchable. The location Boomettes was the centre-circle at fortress Vale Park, a place where no other hound would dare to tread.

So last week I paid a visit to Vale Park, hoping to secretly hide away my very valuable bone collection. As I walked across the pitch towards the centre-circle I could see Tom Pope at the far end of the ground practising his free-kicks.

After finally reaching my destination I dropped the rucksack containing my bone-stash and then took hold of the shovel I’d brought with me. I was just about to begin to dig a hole when all of a sudden a voice boomed out behind me:

“OI, YOU, what do you think your doing??!!”.

Turning around I saw Steve the Groundsman marching towards me, very definitely with hostile intent!! Staying calm I explained to Steve that I was here to bury some bones, and that after I’d buried them I’d re-lay the turf and his pitch would be as good as new. Boomettes, it’s safe to say that Steve was unimpressed with Boomer’s explanation. He grabbed the shovel off Boomer, and do you know what he tried to do with it Boomettes? He tried to clobber your mascot over the head with it, that’s what!

Fortunately Tom Pope had seen the situation developing and had sprinted over (well, briskly waddled over) and had managed to grab hold of the shovel before it imparted serious harm to Boomer. In that moment your mascot was very happy that Uncle Norman had re-signed The Pope for The Vale. If he hadn’t your mascot might well have been rather badly battered and bruised!

After mollifying Steve the Grumpy Groundsman, Popey suggested that it might be a good idea if your mascot found a better place to bury his bones than under the pitch at Vale Park. That sounds like good advice Boomettes, but the question is where can your Boomer keep safe his bones.

Boomettes, I shall have a think, and I’m sure that in no time at all I will have resolved this conundrum. My bones will be safe, and my energies will all be focused on cheering on the Vale to a successful campaign in the 2017-18 football league season.

Until my next Mascot’s Bulletin, stay safe, remain loyal and have Valiant beliefs,

With love, Boomer.